Probable

Things I'm wondering as I sit on my couch with my tiny dog in my quiet house...

1. Should I accept the friend invite from my cousin who does vampire conventions around the country and is barely holding on to her health and sanity? I just don't know if I have the energy to see her posts in my facebook feed. I unfriended her, though, back when her mom died. My dad's oldest sister, maybe 7 years ago. She posted something about looking in the mirror and seeing her mom looking back at her in the lines of her own face and it was too heartbreaking to keep reading. And she was a vampire convention goer. It wasn't just grief. But that was the moment when I couldn't anymore. Now I feel bad. But.

2. Do my kids suffer when they are with my ex? I don't mean emotionally or physically. I mean, like, I send him reminders about having Leo study for his social studies test, after sending him reminders about the test and the festival they are having at the end of the week. My reminders seem to be a surprise each time. It makes me feel bad for not being with them all the time.

3. Will Colorado State give Sophia enough scholarship to make next year work? What if they don't? My God what will I do?

4. I think the online courses I'm taking from Arkansas State may be a scam. But they were already approved for salary advancement.

5. ------------------------------------------------9

6. Rosie the bichon poo wrote #5 with her chin. She knows the computer is important but can't figure out why. But I sit very still when I'm near it and that makes her happy. I think.

7. Did Robert Plant have to try in order to make his voice like that?

8. My ex has gotten a sweet job working from home. The last time I stopped by, he had little dungeon and dragon minis (like little pewter and plastic figurines) lined up on the coffee table getting ready to paint them. And yet the front porch of his house is still falling down. How frustrated and, let's be honest, seething with rage, would I be at this point, with him at home painting minis and watching TV while I have a 27 mile commute to my rough, trauma-infused middle school job?

9. My parents told me a couple of weeks ago, "If we were to both die at the same time, we want to be cremated," and I asked, "what if you die one at a time?" not realizing until now that they said that because if they both die at once, like in a car wreck, the other one won't be there to take care of the arrangements. How daft am I?

10. Why is my face breaking out in my mid-forties? This isn't fair. I had good skin for like 15 minutes when I was 37.


Potential answers:
1. Probably, and put her on mute
2. Probably not but I can't think about it too hard
3. Probably
4. Probably
7. Probably drugs
8. An infinite amount of rage and frustration
9. Pretty damned daft
10. Maybe because I need to sleep more, drink less, eat better, exercise more, and wash my damned face.