I've been trying to write for months and the words aren't here for me. But a friend mentioned that she hadn't read any of my words in so long and she missed it. So here is a November Gratitude List for good measure. Most people do 30. I'm going to do 50. Because I'm super extra.
I am grateful for:
1. The beautiful fall we've had here in St. Louis. It's just been breathtaking.
2. Generosity of friends and relatives
3. Courage to stand up to my doctor and really have her see me and evaluate me based on symptoms instead of bloodwork
4. Soft blankets and cats who sleep on them
5. People who stand up for what they believe in and what they are passionate about and for justice and what is right
6. Google Calendar
8. The kindness of strangers who invite me into their graduate school projects when mine falls apart because I lose my job and it was based there and when they let me tag along and "contribute" when really all I'm doing is drinking coffee with them and riding coattails.
9. Good coffee
10. 12 interviews in a month
11. Space to grieve
12. Friends who listened and let me say what I needed to say and supported me in many ways
13. Tutoring students who both pay the bills and feed my heart
15. Crappy math teachers everywhere who make tutors stay in business
16. The fact that so many people were heartbroken when I left my job--not that I want people to be sad and not that I wanted to leave but the idea that I was missed made me feel wanted.
17. The interviewer from the district who told me "They will be calling you. You scored off the charts on this interview."
18. The job I was offered and was able to say no to.
19. The job I wasn't offered.
20. The job I was offered and accepted
21. The Missouri Public School Retirement System
24. Past supervisors who cared enough for me to write me recommendations
25. Professors who supported my efforts
26. The fact that I started graduate school this summer instead of not yet
27. New coworkers who want me to succeed
28. Friends who give advice
29. Friends who say I can do this
30. A clean quiet room to think in
32. Girl Scout leaders who do it for me so I don't have to keep doing it
33. My 3rd grader's teacher who told me, "you handle your stuff, we've got your back here at school."
34. The counselor at my junior's school who woke up at 5 am the morning of the PSAT to be sure she got the accommodations she was entitled to.
35. The sixth grade teacher who complimented my 8th grader after the play and told me she was keeping an eye and ear out for her
36. The play directors in her life who keep seeing her and giving her chances to shine
37. The third grader's volleyball and soccer coaches who appreciate that he tries and he's a happy team player even if he will never be a great athlete
38. The guy from the apraxia association who told me that yes, this is what happens next for kids with apraxia and it's ok
39. Hot showers
40. Tiny puppies
41. homemade cookies I didn't bake
44. Knee surgeons
46. The fact that worst case scenarios rarely pan out but when they do, they are sometimes better than you could ever imagine they would be
47. Realizing it isn't my fault
48. Text messages in the middle of the night
50. Being seen
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